May I introduce you to the work of Dr. Diane Langberg? Diane is a clinical psychologist who works with trauma. One of her main focuses is helping the Church fight against abuse. She is on the board of G.R.A.C.E. (Godly Reponse to Abuse in a Christian Environment) and contributes to ChurchCares.com (which provides training for church leaders in how to handle abuse in their church). Langberg recently wrote an excellent blog answering the question, how should the church respond to abuse? Click here for the link.
What I loved about this blog was that she identified the seriousness of the purposeful, long term sin that abusers commit against their victims. It also describes harm done to the abuser when the church turns a blind eye. 
Tweet This I especially love this paragraph:
There has been much discussion about what a church should do when confronted with an abuser in its midst. Such a question cannot begin to be adequately or wisely answered unless we first grasp the truth of what it means to be an abuser of the vulnerable. To see abuse as simply a wrong action that needs to be stopped (though it certainly does) is to minimize and externalize what is a cancer of the soul and does great damage to the abused. We often seem to think that when we understand the outside of things we are fully aware. We are not. Our God looks on the inward condition that gave birth to the outward actions. God does not classify evil by a catalogue of deeds done. He always goes to the internal root of the matter (Genesis 6:5). To abuse a vulnerable child (or adult) is to alter the course of their life. The shape of their life and their sense of self has significantly changed. Those heinous actions are spillage from the heart of the abuser and exposure of the cancer deep within. When the church shows “grace” in response to a few approved words and some tears, we have done added damage to the victim, risked the safety of other sheep and left the abuser with a disease that will rot his/her soul.
Diane goes on to describe how to handle sexual abuse in the church. I would have liked her to include intimate partner abuse (also called domestic violence) in this section. I believe when she describes the abuser as having “roots <that> go down deep into practiced deception which becomes metastasized sin,” this could equally apply to long-term intimate partner abusers as well.
In this blog, Diane aptly describes the seriousness of the sin an abuser is committing. Yes, we all sin. Yes, we all do wrong things. However, a long-term, committed abuser is in a different category altogether. Jesus calls them wolves in sheep’s clothing. These people have a great sense of entitlement. They consciously act to control other human beings, with no care to the damage they are committing. If they want something, they will get it. It doesn’t matter how the other person (usually someone they have promised to love) is harmed. As Diane says, it is indeed a cancer of the soul. Many abuse victims have asked me if their abuser will change. In my experience, it is a rare occurrence indeed for someone with so little care for others to suddenly become the caring, loving person her/his partner is seeking. In all the work I have done in the last 9 years, I have never come across someone who was once a committed abuser and is now a loving, thoughtful caring person. This is not to say it cannot happen. After all, nothing is impossible with God. I am just saying it is rare.
Jesus underlines the seriousness of this type of sin in Matthew 7:15-20. Here he is talking about false prophets. An abuser who claims to be a Christian falls into this category.
“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
Indeed. A bad tree bears bad fruit. In her article, Diane goes on to talk about steps the church can take when it finds a sexual predator in its midst. I invite you to read the rest of her article. Basically, she recommends the church forbid the abuser from coming back into ANY church, and for leaders of the church to bring the church to the abuser. In cases of intimate partner violence, I recommend (in my Domestic Violence Guide for Churches) that the abuser not be allowed into the church where his victim(s) attend. This gives the victims the ability to worship in peace without worrying their abuser will show up at any moment. It also lets them know the church and, more importantly, God is behind them, and will protect them. See my Domestic Violence Guide for Churches for how to minister to the abuser.
Diane ends her blog with the following:
Our failure to <take abuse seriously> is in part an exposure of our very limited grasp of the nature of sin and its tentacles in our own lives. We would not be complicit with abuse wherever we find it if this were not so. Repentance is hard. It means a complete change of our thought processes, our impulses and choices, little by little – over and over yet again. It is not simply stopping a behavior. It is not words and tears. It is a slow undoing of deceptions – deceptions that allow us to feel okay about ourselves. It is however the path that follows Christ, whose central focus and motive was to always please the Father – no matter the cost. He invites us to come.
Such wise words.
For those of you who have been abused and your church has not supported you, I am so sorry. I have experienced this pain myself, and it was almost worse than the pain my abuser wrought. Please know you are not alone, and God has not forsaken you. I hope this blog and the resources I share in it will be helpful to you.
Many blessings,
Caroline
