Those of us who have separated from an abuser often have to deal with questions from people who just don't get it. They are sometimes what we call "flying monkeys" - people who do the bidding of the abuser. But there may be others who are just uneducated about abuse...
When we finally get the courage to leave our abusive partners, we hope that our abuse is over. Sadly, that is rarely the case. Yes, we no longer have them in our homes, and that is wonderful. But, if we own property with them, or have children with them, we find that...
The origin of flying monkeys is found in The Wizard of Oz. These scary creatures did the Wicked Witch's bidding. In recent years, the term flying monkeys has come to identify people that do the bidding of abusers. This might be someone who tells the abuser's partner...
While we cannot make another person change, they will sometimes decide on their own to change when their abuse no longer works for them.
In my last blog, I talked about how many of us tend to overfunction in our relationships. Think this is a 21st century idea? Nope. Moses, the prophet who led the Israelites out of Egypt was the quintessential overfunctioner. In Exodus 18:13, we see Moses acting as...
Do you over-function in your relationships? Many of us do. What do I mean by over-functioning? Before I describe over-functioning, let me describe someone who is functioning optimally. (I found these descriptions in a blog by Dr. Will Meek.) Optimal Functioning...
Surviving the Holidays The holidays are supposed to be joyful and fun-filled. Sometimes they are, but often that is not our experience. The holidays can be especially painful for you if you are depressed, are mourning a loved one, or have recently lost your job. Note:...
Many of us feel like we have a target on our backs. It is as if users and abusers can see us coming. Somehow, like a shark who smells blood in the water, they know we are an easy mark for their manipulation and evil. Does this mean that it is our fault if we are...
Last week, I wrote about what your life might be like if you were raised by a narcissistic parent. I began describing five steps that can help you heal from your upbringing. The two steps I shared last week are: Accepting your parent's limitations, and Processing your...
I sometimes hesitate to highlight well-known speakers/pastors/writers here. While I am praising one of their works, another blogger is trashing them for a different thing they have written/said elsewhere. But, I press onward. So, forgive me if you have read other...
Click for a preview of DV Guide for Churches now.