Good morning! I am so excited to share this podcast by Sybil Cummin in which Lundy Bancroft discusses Kayden’s law, new legislation designed to protect children with abusive parents in the family court system.

Sybil Cummin and Lundy Bancroft

Let me make a few introductions. Sybil Cummin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado. She created the Beyond Power and Control community which is a training resource for professionals working with survivors of domestic violence. Sybil often works with the youngest victims, our children. She often talks about the harm our family courts create in the lives of these young victims as they are forced to spend time with their abusive parent.

In this podcast, Sybil interviews Lundy Bancroft. Lundy has been fighting for the rights of domestic violence victims and their children for 30 years. He is the author of 7 books about domestic violence, including Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,  When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse, and The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics. 

To download the 53 minute podcast, click here.

Kayden’s Law

One of the first things Sybil and Lundy discuss is Kayden’s Law which has passed in the US legislature as part of the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act), and must be put into law in each state. This law is named for 7-year-old Kayden Mancuso. Kayden’s protective parent, Kathy Sherlock, fought to protect her from Kayden’s abusive father who had a documented history of violence and mental instability. When the courts denied her mom’s plea, Kayden was murdered by her abusive father. Kayden’s law seeks to:

1. Restrict expert testimony to only those who are appropriately qualified to provide it.
Evidence from court-appointed or outside professionals regarding alleged abuse may be admitted only when the professional possesses demonstrated expertise and experience in working with victims of domestic violence or child abuse, including child sexual abuse.

2. Limit the use of reunification camps and therapies which cannot be proven to be safe and effective.
No “reunification treatment” may be ordered by the court without scientifically valid and generally accepted proof of the safety, effectiveness and therapeutic value of the particular treatment.

3. Provide evidence-based ongoing training to judges and court personnel on family violence subject matter, including:
​
​(i) child sexual abuse;
(ii) physical abuse;
(iii) emotional abuse;
(iv) coercive control;
(v) implicit and explicit bias;
(vi) trauma;
(vii) long and short-term impacts of domestic violence and child abuse on children; and
(viii) victim and perpetrator behaviors.

​4. Mandate judges to consider evidence of past sexual or physical abuse, including protection orders, arrests, and convictions for domestic violence, sexual violence, or child abuse of the accused parent.

I am happy to report that in my home state of Colorado, Kayden’s Law was just passed. It currently is up for the vote in several other states.

What next? Activism.

While Lundy is pleased that Kayden’s Law has been passed in Colorado, he cautions listeners that this is just the beginning of the fight to make our family court system safe for children of domestic abusers. He notes that judges can get around this law by finding that the abusive parent is not abusive. Lundy believes that in order to make family courts safe for children, there needs to be a “dramatic increase in the number of activists” fighting for this cause.

He suggests picketing the court and publicly shaming judges and custody evaluators who give custody to abusive parents. He talks about New Jersey where picketers outside the court wore T-shirts with the offending judge’s picture printed on it. Wow, what an idea! As I’ve counseled women* who have lost custody of their kids to their abusive former partners, I’ve been furious, but never considered this type of activism.

In another district, protective mothers picketed with masks on their faces to hide their identity from retaliatory judges. This made the point that if women stand up to these judges, they might lose even more custody of their kids.

Lundy notes that if there are enough activists fighting against these rulings and being vocal in the community, we could build the kind of movement that will make radical changes in our family courts. He talks about the Mothers Against Drunk Driving movement which changed the culture from thinking drunk driving was funny and even admirable, to what we have today: the general population is aware of it and totally against those who drive drunk. Because of MADD, drunk driving laws are now enforced in a way they never were previously.

How Can Protective Parents Align?

If you are looking for a way to be a part of a protective mothers organization, check out the Protective Mothers’ Alliance International, co-founded by Lundy Bancroft. He also recommends the Center for Judicial Excellence which does a great job of supporting activists who often get exhausted by their continued legal struggle. Both Lundy and Sybil talk about ways that those in this fight often feel alone in their battle, and that we need to support each other in it.

Make public what is paid to lawyers and evaluators

Another one of Lundy’s ideas is to make public the amount of money paid to the lawyers and custody evaluators in these cases. Why? Lundy states that the worse job a custody evaluator does, the more money they make. If evaluators make an unfair ruling, and the battle is kept in the courts for years, the evaluator stands to make more money than one who makes a fair ruling and that is the end of it. He suggests that lawyers and evaluators be forced to seek payment through the court and that the COURT get them payment through the parents. In this way, the court will become aware of the massive amounts of money being paid to fight these custody battles, and the amounts will become public court records.

Training required for evaluators

Child and Family Investigators (CFIs) and Parental Responsibility Evaluators (PREs) may be trained as mental health practitioners, but are rarely trained in the dynamics of domestic violence, child neglect, child sexual abuse and what makes a good parent. Lundy notes that a psychological evaluation of a parent tells absolutely nothing about how good a parent they will be. He highly recommends specific training for these evaluators.

Lundy Bancroft, a novelist?

Lundy is known as a serious author of non-fiction books, some of which, frankly, are hard to read they are so discouraging. In an effort to educate the public about these issues in a more entertaining way, Lundy has written a suspense novel called In Custody: A Carrie Green Novel, a book about a mother and daughter who disappear during a custody battle. Lundy hopes the book might help a protective parent explain to others who can support her what is happening to her in custody court.

In Conclusion

Lundy concludes by encouraging protective parents to keep fighting for their kids. He notes how hard it is for protective parents to continue fighting for their children’s safety when everyone around them is telling them to shut up and sit down: judges, custody evaluators, attorneys (even their own attorneys), and people in the general public. He believes that no matter what the outcome of the court case(s), children will eventually realize and appreciate all you have done to protect them from the abusive parent. Often, kids are poisoned by the abusive parent to hate the protective parent. Lundy notes that he is aware of many cases where adult children of abuse turn back toward the protective parents. This is the good news in the midst of a lot of discouraging news.

The sad state of our family courts in cases of custody when domestic violence exists in the family is a hot button for me. I have written about this extensively. You can check out my blogs about this here. If you would like to read my book on healing after abuse (which includes help for your children), click here.

I pray each of you will be encouraged by today’s blog and this podcast by Lundy Bancroft. Please know that you are not alone in your fight for the safety of your children.

May each of you be blessed today,

Caroline

*Note: Lundy Bancroft believes that domestic violence is primarily a male perpetrated crime on females. Please be aware that abusers can be male or female, and so can their partners.