Have you ever received a letter from your abuser where he* makes every promise you ever wanted to hear? Suddenly, your decision to leave him seems the most stupid and selfish move you have ever made. This was my experience. I was married for 20 years to an abuser. The...
Abuse victims are encouraged by everyone to leave their abusers for their own safety, and the safety of their kids. During their divorces, however, they are told they must give partial, or sometimes even full-custody of their kids to their abuser. This is just not...
Are you facing a divorce? Perhaps you have finally gotten the courage to leave your abusive spouse. Or, your spouse cheated on you multiple times. Whatever the reason you are in this place, it sucks. I've been there. My divorce took 18 months. The courts gave my...
To restrain or not to restrain . . . that is the question. Professionals often suggest abuse victims get a restraining order (also known as a Personal Protection Order) as a way to reduce the contact (and abuse) from their abuser. Is this a good idea for you? That...
I had a unique opportunity recently to interview a former Child and Family Investigator, and ask her what she thought of our current Family Court system. I spoke with Adoree Blair, who has been foster parent for 23 years, and has worked as a CFI, a Mediator, and a...
Recently, an abusive man* contacted me via my website’s contact page. He told me he realized several months ago he had been abusing his wife for over a decade, and had stopped. Even though he was no longer abusive (his words), his wife wanted a divorce. He asked me if...
In my last blog, I talked about the paradoxes a domestic violence victim faces when they are also a parent. In my case, I struggled with wanting to escape my abusive marriage, but also, not wanting to put my kids through an ugly divorce. I wanted my kids to understand...
I often talk about the difficulties of being a victim of domestic violence. I’ve also talked about how detrimental DV is to the children in the family. But I haven’t said much about the pain of being a DV victim who is also a parent. Why do I make this distinction?...
I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of domestic violence victims (usually women) whose churches did not support them when they finally separated from their abusive spouses. This lack of support had many different faces: Their pastor told them to their face...
In last week's blog I began my series about dating after abuse by looking at what the bible says about divorce and remarriage. This week I will help you decide if you are ready to date. This is an important question for someone who has previously been in an abusive...
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