Learning to Say “No”
I have a daughter whose first word was "no". At the time, it rather startled me. My other kids' first words were "dada" and "ball". For this daughter, saying "no" as her first word was prophetic. Of all my kids, she is the one with the best boundaries. What does...
Let Abusers Reap What They Sow
I recently saw a blog outlining a Pastor's response to an abuse victim's request for help. His response infuriated me! I am sure my blood pressure went up about 20 points. Today I would like to share the original request for help, the pastor's response, and my...
That Crazy-Making Honeymoon Stage
Have you ever received a letter from your abuser where he* makes every promise you ever wanted to hear? Suddenly, your decision to leave him seems the most stupid and selfish move you have ever made. This was my experience. I was married for 20 years to an abuser. The...
Domestic Violence and Addictions
I recently read a great article on DrugRehab.com that highlighted the link between domestic violence and substance abuse. Some people believe that an abuser using drugs or alcohol causes domestic violence. This is not true. Taking drugs and alcohol does not cause...
Do I Need Professional Counseling?
I highly recommend professional counseling for those who have suffered any kind of abuse whether in childhood or from an intimate partner. Sometimes people feel like failures if they seek professional counseling. It is a sign of weakness, isn't it? Wrong! In my...
Prosecuting DV Offenders
***Trigger Warning*** On May 17, I took a webinar hosted by the National Coalition of Domestic Violence (NCADV) entitled "Prosecuting Domestic Violence Cases: Efforts to Balance Serving Society and Survivors within a Multidisciplinary Team Framework." This webinar was...
Escaping Your Abuser with Your Pets
When planning to escape an abuser, there are many things to consider. Where will I live? What will I eat? Will I be able to find a job? What will happen to my kids? Contacting your local domestic violence center to create a safety plan is the best thing you can do...
Are the New DV Safety Apps Really Safe?
I left my abuser 12 years ago. At that time, to receive help, I had to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. I had just recently received a cell phone, and it wasn't a "smart phone." My phone didn't have my contacts in it, so I carried around a small address...
How Can Group Counseling Help a DV Survivor?
We don't often hear about group counseling. I am currently going to my local seminary to get a degree in counseling. Since studying group counseling this semester I have learned a few things I didn't know: Group counseling can be just as effective and sometimes even...
Why Do People Often Take the Side of the Abuser?
I can't tell you how many abuse victims I've spoken to where this happens. The victim's family, friends or church take the side of the abuser in a separation, rather than standing by the victim. This doesn't make logical sense. Why would a person's own family turn...
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