I have written many times about the inability of family courts to protect our vulnerable children. I had hoped the situation was improving, but at least in my area, it doesn’t appear to be. I checked in with a local domestic violence advocate and counselor recently and asked her about her experience working with families in family court.

Interview with a DV Advocate and Counselor.

I am happy to introduce you to Christine Garcia of the Children’s Wellness Center of Colorado, PLLC. Christine is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the Denver area who specializes in domestic violence. She works closely with local Department of Human Services (DHS), helping children that have experienced abuse. She also helps domestic violence victims leave their abusers safely if/when they are ready and supporting them through the process of trying to protect their kids through Family Court.

Christine has recently been added as a voting member to the Colorado Domestic Violence and Child Welfare Task Group. This group was started after a 10-year-old boy near Denver was killed by his abusive father. DHS had been involved, closed their case and then received additional reports with concerns of abuse from the boy’s mother and others, but chose not to take the boy away from her estranged husband. Family court refused to allow her back to court when the father was not complying with the court orders for parenting time and keeping the child away from the mother. Finally, the court allowed the case to be revisited, but it was too late . . . the system had reinforced the abuser for so long that after years of not being held accountable, he reacted to the court orders that day by killing his son in cold blood. When a State-conducted Child Fatality Review report revealed the systemic failures that had so grievously failed to protect the boy, the task group was created to look into needed changes to the ways in which DHS, specifically, responds to cases involving child maltreatment and domestic violence.

When asked her opinion of how Human Services and the family court system are doing in their goal to protect children of domestically abusive homes, she said, “Paying witness to the harm caused by the court system upon children and their victim parents who are attempting to protect them creates a visceral response of disgust. In so many situations, it’s the opposite of what the system is meant to do, which is to protect those who are being abused.”

Christine shared that her clients who are trying to separate from their abusers in order to protect their children are sometimes counseled by their lawyers not to bring up the abuse. When they do, they risk the abusive parent getting MORE, not LESS custody of the children. If the victims (who are mostly women) try to explain what is happening to their kids, they are assumed to be retaliatory, hysterical women. The abusive parent’s attorneys will pull the “parental alienation” card and claim that the victim is lying and just trying to turn the children away from the abuser.

Sadly, most of the time, the courts disregard the abuse, may award the abuser with more access to the children, giving him/her even more power and control over the victim who is trying to leave and protect their kids. In Christine’s experience in Colorado, no matter how much money the victim spends on specialists who are supposed to evaluate the best interest of the children (CFIs or PREs), the “experts” often recommend shared custody as the goal of the system seems to be “coparenting at any cost.” This is true even if there is a restraining order in place to protect the victim, and even if the abuser has a criminal record for domestic violence.

There are no words strong enough to describe the injustice of this. Tweet This

Why, why, WHY?

What could possess a judge who is charged with protecting children to give custody to someone who is clearly harming their children? It boggles the mind. Christine has a few ideas:

• One underlying problem is the social issue of patriarchy. The system has been designed through a patriarchal lens. It has not historically understood or considered the needs of children, but rather focused on the rights of parents. Historically speaking, men have had more rights than women with both women and children being seen as their property. Women are still facing the barriers of sexism and it plays out in our judicial court systems.
• Another issue is that Colorado judges are rotated between Family Court and other types of courts. Most of these judges have had no training in spotting the tactics of abusers, or the harm that abuse does to children. Rather than discerning what WOULD really be the best interest of the child, most judges assume that 50/50 custody is best.
• Because of patriarchy, they believe that women who claim abuse are simply retaliating against their ex-male partners. Terms used by judges toward women in court include vindictive, angry, emotional, irrational, exaggerating, and worst of all, not credible.
• The Father’s Rights movement. Christine believes this movement has been helpful for good, non-abusive fathers and their children. But rather than helping hold abusive fathers accountable, this movement has leaned toward overcorrecting a previous bias toward mothers. It now leans toward including fathers in the lives of their children even when the fathers are unhealthy.
• When an abusive parent and their attorney begin accusing the protective parent of alienating the children against the other parent (called parental alienation), it becomes a powerful way to minimize concerns about abuse and focus on the protective parent as the problem. It’s a tactic meant to distract from the abuse. Unfortunately, the system seems to be easily persuaded by this tactic.
• Historically, there has been no oversight of Child Family Investigators (CFIs) in Denver. The required training is minimal with little to no specific training in domestic violence. The dynamics of domestic violence are so complex; one to two hours of training provides little insight into these issues. Parent Responsibility Evaluations (PREs) can cost between ten and thirty thousand dollars. In order to avoid bias, it seems they must find fault on the part of both parents. This often results in minimizing the abuse and not holding the offending parent responsible. Rarely, if ever, has Christine seen offenders ordered to appropriate domestic violence specific counseling or appropriate parenting interventions. Unfortunately, the court, CFIs, and PREs either don’t know how to hold these parents responsible, or they aren’t aware of the resources available to help them become healthier for their children. Instead, they minimize the abuse, focus more on the protective parent as the problem for raising the abuse concerns, and put additional barriers for them to fight to protect their children. Essentially, the take away message for many protective parents is “go away and stop reporting your concerns . . .”

What Can Be Done to Change this Flawed System?

• Christine believes that the first thing that must happen is to identify the areas needed for change and make thoughtful recommendations about the rules and practice of DHS as well as the laws meant to protect children. This is why she is passionate about being part of the Colorado Domestic Violence and Child Welfare Task Group, as one avenue to advocate for those needed changes. There are also other avenues being pursued to change legislation for family court cases.
• Once the rules, practice guidelines and laws are changed, judges and DHS will need to be required to engage in extensive training focused specifically on domestic violence. They will also need to be required to do ongoing education. She also believes judges who work in Family Court must be specialized in Family Court with greater understanding of child development, domestic violence and the profile of domestic violence offenders in order to learn how to truly protect these children.

This blog has been difficult for me to write. As I think about the injustice of this flawed system, my blood boils. I know God is not pleased by a system where those who are charged to protect the innocent give power to the perpetrator. Proverbs 17:15 says:

He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous,
Both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.

Lord, we pray that you will rise up and put an end to this injustice.

Caroline