Dissociation

As a counselor, I work with many people who have experienced trauma. Some of them have been with an abusive intimate partner. Others have been raised by abusive parents, or have been sexually abused as children. When we experience this type of trauma, our brains try to help us cope by separating from what is happening to our bodies. This is called dissociation. We all do this to some extent. Ever drive home from work thinking about your day, and not paying attention to the drive? When you get home, you realize you got there on autopilot? This is a mild example of dissociation. For the child being abused, they may look at a spot on the wall while they are being beaten. This helps them separate from the painful experience, to the point they may not even feel the pain.

While this was helpful during the moment of abuse, living a dissociated life can keep us from being able to listen to ourselves. If we get used to ignoring the messages our bodies are trying to give us, we are less able to protect ourselves from danger. This is part of the reason abused children are more susceptible to being abused as an adult. Their bodies might be telling them they are in danger, but their minds ignore this information, to their peril. Living dissociated from your body also prevents you from feeling joy, love and pleasure.

Anxiety and Panic

I have struggled with anxiety most of my life. Because I learned as a child that my worth came from my accomplishments, whenever I feel that I am not going to be successful at something, I become anxious. I tend to be a worrier. This has caused me many problems, including years of migraine headaches, and many nights where I am awake, tossing and turning for hours.

I also work with people who are prone to panic attacks. One thing I have learned about myself and my clients is that

when we panic or feel anxious, it is usually because we are recalling something painful from the past, or we are anxiously fearing something that might happen in the future. Tweet This

For the most part, unless you are being abused in the moment, we are not in danger at the moment we are panicking or feeling anxious.

So, the best way to bring our minds out of panic is to focus on what our bodies are feeling in the moment. Tweet This

Doing grounding exercises is the best way I know how to get a feeling of safety, and to be fully in the moment.

Grounding Exercises

My favorite grounding exercise combines intentional breathing with noticing the input of our five senses.

1. Get in a comfortable position. If you are sitting, have both feet flat on the floor. Close your eyes. Begin by breathing in slowly through your nose. Focus on having your rib cage expand as you do this rather than your shoulders moving up. Breathe out slowly through your mouth. Try to make your exhale take a little bit longer than your inhale. This helps your heart to slow down. Notice your rib cage compressing. Do this slowly for about 3 or 4 breaths.

2. Notice a sound that you hear. Maybe a clock ticking, the sound of your own breathing, or the air coming through the vents in the room. Breathe for 3 or 4 breaths, just noticing the sound.

3. Notice what your body is feeling. Don’t focus on your racing heart, or bodily pain, but focus on how your feet feel firmly planted on the floor, how the chair feels behind your back and under you. Notice the texture of your clothing. Breathe 3 or 4 times.

4. Open your eyes. Focus on one object that is right in front of you. Notice its color, shape, texture, the light shining on it, the shadows. Breathe 3 or 4 times.

5. You can continue this with smell and taste, if this is helpful for you. When I am in a counseling session, these are harder to experience, so I usually leave them out.

By this time, you will probably realize that your heart is beating slower, your breath is coming more evenly, and you are not as focused on whatever sent you into panic. You will be more fully aware of where you are in time and space, bringing you out of dissociation. Once you are fully aware of yourself in the moment, you can make a decision on what you should do next. You may find that the thing that had you upset no longer seems so important, and you can just ignore it. If you still want to do something about it, you can now calmly decide what to do.

Other grounding exercises

Please write in the comments below what you do to pull out of anxiety or dissociation.

When you are upset, remember that you are not alone. God says in Psalm 46:10:

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

When we have stilled our racing heart, we can then be open to realizing God’s presence right there with us.

May you feel His peace today.

Caroline