I recently began gaining weight for the first time in years. Exercise and dieting did nothing to help. I was not sure what to do next. I decided to contact my naturopath Cheryl Townsley. Cheryl is an amazing Christian woman and health care provider. Over the last few years, with her help I have come off 20 prescription pills a day, and have gone from on average 10 migraines a month to 1 or 2. Cheryl recommended her Inflammation Breakthrough Program. As part of this program, I have access to over 50 helpful videos. These videos cover everything from what to eat, how to reduce inflammation, what movements can help, and how to treat myself better.
Cheryl has a series of videos about how to overcome abuse. One video called Self-Abuse is especially insightful. I received permission from Cheryl to share the video on this blog. It lasts about ten minutes and is worth listening to. For those of you who don’t have the time, I will summarize it here.
Cheryl says that we often treat ourselves worse than we treat others in our lives. We judge and criticize our bodies, and put ourselves down. When we do this, our judgements stand as evidence that we are not acceptable and are not enough. We begin to believe we have no value. Why do we do this? It could be because of the trauma we have experienced in our lives.
This negative belief about ourselves impacts our health, our weight, our work and our relationships.
This causes our brains to no longer be able to hear what our body is telling us because our body reflects what goes on in our minds and souls. This is part of the reason we live with physical pain and weakness and why we carry extra weight.
This made so much sense to me. I know I am not the only one who does all the right things, eating well and exercising, and cannot lose those extra pounds. Cheryl gives several pointers for overcoming our self-abuse. She shares how to:
- Understand what our bodies are trying to tell us.
- Accept ourselves and our bodies as they are.
- Prevent our “stress buckets” from filling up. (An overflowing stress bucket causes us to gain weight and be in pain.)
- Forgive ourselves for judging ourselves.
- Look for what we can celebrate about our lives and our progress. If we don’t celebrate our small steps forward, we lose the progress we’ve obtained.
- Get safe people to help us stop our self-abuse.
When we begin seeing our strengths instead of only our weaknesses, we begin to see our value. Our value is not dependent on our actions. When we can see our value we can say, “NO” to our self-abuse and begin taking baby steps toward health and peace of mind.
Question: Do you treat yourself negatively?
God values every human. We are all made in his image (Genesis 1:26). Psalm 139:13-14 says:
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Lord, I pray that we will begin to see our inherent worth, and learn to treat ourselves better. Amen
Bless you all today,
Caroline
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My husband viewed me as fat, unattractive with no sex appeal and preferred porn and other women. Over the course of our 20 year marriage, that is how I came to view myself too. It slowly seeped into the depths of my soul and I was not even aware of it. I read books and blogs where women are told what you are saying which is I am fearfully and wonderfully made but it is one thing to acknowledge this but another to believe that I am beautiful.
I suppose the best people like me can do is to believe that God finds us beautiful. This affects any potential relationship with guys.
Yes. I believe healing from this begins with knowing we are loved and cherished by God. I pray you will seek healing for yourself so that you can begin to FEEL beautiful in yourself. Bless you. Caroline
I am in the process of getting a divorce from my husband of two years. he was abusive and i could not take it any more for my sake and for my baby daughter who is now 8 months old. I purchased your book the first time I left him which was one month before I gave birth. I got through the first two pages and then my husband put on a show to convince me that he was going to rehabilitate himself for the sake of our baby. I believed him and took him back, but six months later, I went to the authorities after a physical attack from my husband and now I am goign through counseling to undo the emotional mental toll which his abuse had taken on me.
When I got into a relationship with my husband, I slowly started doubting my attractiveness, I started believing the snide comments my husband would make about my appearance, all veiled as “a joke”. He would make me feel bad for taking it seriously when he once claimed he was “joking” when he said I was “at best a 7 out of 10”. This was shortly after we were married. I had been feeling especially attractive that day with a new outfit and a new haircut. This cut through my soul, but I chose to push it down because I could not dare to believe that it was possible for the man I love and who I thought loved me, to say such a thing. It never left my memory. And since then I kept telling myself I was not good enough. I was not pretty enough. It is as if I forgot that God that made me fearfully and wonderfully and that I Was loved by God. It was as if my husband had the power to erase all those positive messages I had grown up hearing. To this day I still struggle with a self-loathing and anger towards myself for having allowed him to say those things and to get away with it. It comes and goes, but I am getting the help and counseling I need and also leaning heavily on God. I feel more and more beautiful and attractive every day, the farther I move away from the horrific memories of living with my husband. It has been over two months since I have left him, but it feels much longer. Anyway…
I have read so many books on abuse, but your book it made me cry and made me hear God and feel his presence in my pain. I opened your book “A Journey to Healing After Emotional Abuse” those two months when I finally left him with my baby for the last time., and I cried and laughed and struggled through all the truths of my experience and the truths from God’s word that spoke to me through every chapter of your book.
I am learning to love myself as God loved me. And learning to get in touch with the true self that God intended me to be. No longer a victim, but a survivor. And definitely never alone through this journey to healing 🙂
I am so saddened you were treated so horribly by someone who was supposed to love honor and cherish you. But, I am happy that you are apart from him and are beginning your healing process. Thanks you SO MUCH for your kinds words about my books. I am thrilled that my books have helped you. You could really bless me if you would share some of your thoughts on Amazon reviewing my books. I know people considering buying on Amazon do look at those reviews. May God walk so closely to you as you continue healing. Bless you, Caroline