In my last post I asked the question, “Can any good come out of the abuse you’ve suffered?” I believe God can bring good out of any situation if we let Him. One of the ways you can bring good out of your pain is to work to change the cycle of abuse in your community and in society. The following comes from my book A Journey to Healing After Emotional Abuse:
Half of all abusive men were abused as children. This means half of all abusers were not abused as children! 
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Where did these men* learn to be abusers? From the society we live in. They learned to devalue and abuse women from:
- peers
- other relatives besides parents
- television, movies, music.
If we want to change the cycle of abuse in our society, we need to begin to change the culture around us that tacitly accepts violence against women. One way this happens is through victim blaming. When a woman is raped, she is often asked:
- “What were you wearing?”
- “Why were you out so late by yourself?”
- “Why didn’t you fight harder?”
A victim of domestic violence is frequently asked:
- “Why did you marry him in the first place?”
- “Why didn’t you leave sooner?”
- “Did you respect him as you should have?”
When we hear questions like these, we need to speak up and ask questions of our own. These include:
- “Why was the man out looking for someone to rape?”
- “Why did he think it was OK to use force to rape someone he didn’t know (or did know)?”
- “Why did the abuser hide his true personality until after they were married?”
- “Why does he continually disrespect and frighten her?”
Another way to make a change in society is to use the media for good. Write articles and letters to the editor of your local newspaper. Post articles that stand against domestic violence to your Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest accounts. Write letters of complaint, or call radio and television stations that air songs, movies, and shows that portray violence against women and children as funny or acceptable.
Use your voice and pen to lobby your local, state, and federal government. Become a member of a national or local domestic violence agency such as the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. NCADV frequently lobbies government agencies when bills dealing with domestic violence are being voted on in Congress. Lobby for justice to return to the family court system, either in your local court or on a national level.
If you work to change the cycle of abuse in society, you will benefit all of us. But even more, you will benefit yourself! Tweet This
By looking for the good God can bring out of the abuse you’ve suffered, you can become like:
. . . a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers. (Psalm 1:3)
I invite you to check out A Journey to Healing After Emotional Abuse by reading a sample chapter here:
Questions: Have you ever heard someone ask questions like these that blame the victim? How did this make you feel? Can you see yourself standing up to this kind of mindset?
May the Lord bless each of you today!
Caroline
*Abusers and their victims can be male or female. In this blog, I write specifically about the mindset in our society that believes men have the right to dominate and abuse their female partners.
