I know many women (and men) who have come out of abusive relationships. Sometimes they jump right back into one. There are many reasons for this. One of them is that they feel adrift without their abusive mate, and they have not yet learned to value themselves. So, they rush into a new relationship before they have completely healed from the last one, and wake one morning to find they are in another abusive relationship.
It doesn’t have to be this way!
Do you know that every Christian is the bride of Christ? Does this mean anything to you? If you are His bride, then, for now, I recommend you consider Jesus your husband. Several years after I left my abuser, when my second husband and I began seeing each other, I shared Joshua Harris’s book I Kissed Dating Goodbye* with him. I told him I was in no rush to jump into a relationship. I wanted to take things slowly and determine if he was the man God wanted me to marry.
In return, he shared a poem with me he had been living by. We don’t know who wrote it, but we have shared it with many single people who long for a spouse. I pray it comforts you.
True Love ~ Author Unknown
Everyone longs to give themselves to someone
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusive-but God says to the Christian:
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and
content with being loved by Me alone
Having an intensely personal; and unique relationship
with me alone
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship
that I have planned for you.
You will never be united with another until you are united in Me
Exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any
other desires or longings;
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow
Me to give you the most thrilling Plan existing-one
that you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I AM.
Keep listening to the things that I tell you.
Just wait.
That’s all. Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry.
Don’t look around at the things that others have
gotten or that I have given them.
Don’t look at the things you think you want.
You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you’ll
miss what I want to show you.
And then, when you’re ready,
I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful that
you would dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until that one I have
for you is ready,
(I am working even at this moment to have both of you
ready at the same time)
until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
and the life I have prepared for you,
you won’t be able to experience the love that
exemplifies your relationship with Me,
and this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love.
I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me,
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting
union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself
Know that I love you utterly.
I am God. Believe it and be satisfied.
May God bless you today and always,
Caroline
* Joshua Harris I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Romance and Relationships (Multnomah Publishers:Colorado Springs, CO, 1997)
Sometimes..
Sometimes I cant speak..
It was about 4 years ago, give or take. I walked into the room after my 9am-6pm saturday job that followed my 40 hour work week other job. He sat on the couch behind his computer. I didnt think he noticed me when i walked in until he informed me the bathroom needed to be cleaned. After I told him he could clean it, after all he had been home all day doing nothing. Seconds later he was using my face to scrub the floor infront of the toilet until my head hit the baseboard heaters edge.
Sometimes I dont know how to answer..
Over a series of events that occured because I spoke what I think, ive become quiet, well sometimes. I have the answers in my mind, however i go over every possible reaction that could result if i say what i want.
-It was a cold winters night i was in the passengers seat and he asked me which exit to take. I said the wrong one. So minutes later he demanded I get out of the car into a empty parking lot in the middle of a big city and he left me, no phone, no coat.
-He told me to eat lettuce because apparently I was gaining pregnant. I dont actually know if I got a chance to respond before he was ontop of my stomach slapping my face over and over.
-I was on the phone with my parents, with a newborn in my lap, just waking up about to invite them over when i said the wrong thing. I said he just woke and is playing the guitar. Seconds later the guitar was thrown at me and the baby, followed by an hour of hiding in a small room with the door locked while he was in a rage screaming at me to let him in.
-I was told not to nurse, because his google 101 made up theories told him the newborn was crying while I was gone at work because the baby must be allergic to breast milk. I was caught nursing when seconds later he was holding a knife to my body threatening to cut my breasts off, while pinning me behind the door, the door digging into my c section. Thats when I began to pray. I prayed he would stop and not cut into me, because if he did he would turn and hurt the baby.
Sometimes reality hits you..
I left the radio station in my vehicle on a christian radio station. After he borrowed my car he came into the room. The baby was watching me fold clothes. He told me I wasnt allowed to listen to that Christian crap. I wasnt allowed to teach our baby about God, I wasnt allowed to believe in God. I said no, I love Him. Seconds later he almost squeezed the life out of me, and thats when i started to pray. I prayed that God would keep me alive because if I were to die he would turn his rage on the baby. I screamed out to God from my thoughts. The room went black then he let go, i tried to breath but he hit my face. He continued to beat me, pounce me, kick me in my stomach, kick my ribs, my back, he dragged me around the room and threw my helpless body on the bed. I saw the evil in his eyes as I prayed.
Sometimes you dont think God is present or listening because things happen in life, however I will tell you to open the eyes of your heart and watch what God can do.
-God was there with me in the parking lot, I wasnt harmed.
-God was there with me when my face cleaned the floor, I walked away.
-God was there when I cried clinging my baby from a small room, we both survived.
-God was there when the knife was too close, because he threw the knife away from me.
-God was there after he beat me and almost cut up my face with scissors, because he suddenly realized what he was doing and left the room.
-God was there because the baby was never hurt badly.
-God has healed because writing this is like writing about some story that I didnt live, a year ago it would of shattered me to remember.
God is always there. Not sometimes, all the time.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6
You write beautifully. I was riveted as I read your comment. I pray you have or soon will find a way to safely leave this very dangerous situation. If you haven’t already, please read my blog on safety planning.
Yes, God is always with us. I always felt Him by my side when I was being abused. He was even more real to me then than He is now, because I needed Him so desperately. Hold onto Him. He loves you and will care for you. He wants the best for you and your child. Please contact me via my contact form or Facebook if I can assist you in any way. Blessings to you dear one. Caroline
Yes I left him.