Have you ever been on a retreat? My church offers women’s retreats once every other year. They usually invite a speaker who gives a talk 3 or 4 times over the weekend. We breakout into small groups to discuss what the speaker has talked about, and get to know each other better. While these times are instructive, and I enjoy growing closer to the women at the church, I often come home more tired than when I left. Many years ago, I read a book that suggested taking a solitary retreat for a half-day every 3 months. I have been doing this for 13 years. This is a gift I give myself. The best thing about the retreat center I visit is that it is completely silent. As a person whose mind rarely rests, and who has a large, noisy family, spending 5 or 6 hours in complete silence, unplugged from phones, texts, emails, etc. is incredibly restful. This center has acres of beautiful grounds, with deer peacefully grazing. I often spend an hour or more walking the grounds, praying and listening to uplifting music as I walk. Sometimes I take a nap, I often read the Bible and do a lot of journaling. I feel huge burdens lifting off my shoulders. It is wonderful!

A few months ago, when I visited the retreat center, I was struggling spiritually. Several difficult things had been happening in my family, and I was wrestling with the question: “Do bad things happen because God has given humans free will and they often make bad choices? Or, is God completely sovereign, and he either plans or allows everything that happens?” In order to help me understand this, I broke my rule, and used my cell phone to google this question. I read many blogs by theologians and pastors. After spending more than an hour reading their ideas, I came to the conclusion:

It is both. And I will never understand this. Tweet This

If pastors and theologians who have spent their lives studying this question don’t understand how both these things could be true, I won’t be able to either. Then I realized this wasn’t really my question. The question I really wanted answered was: “How does God’s sovereignty mesh with our suffering?” I did another google search and finally found a blog by the Gospel Coalition entitled 4 Reasons God Ordains Suffering for His People.

Reason #1 – To Kill Sin and Grow Godliness

The author says, “If you’ve trusted in Christ as the Savior and Lord of your life, you can rest in the truth that your afflictions and sufferings come to you for your ultimate good and his ultimate glory. . . If we’re prone to love something in this world—house, spouse, children, job—more than God, he may sometimes remove the idol.”

This was eye opening to me. I decided this could very well be at the root of my current suffering. So, I searched my heart for what my idols might be. I wrote down every situation that irritates or annoys me – and there were many. I then looked them all over and tried to discern what my idols are. The biggest one was “I want an easy and worry-free life.” Now, it is not a sin to want this. But, when I don’t get it, how do I react? Do I begin trying to control others whose poor choices cost me worry, time, and money? Do I withhold love from them? Do I speak negatively about them? Do I dwell on their mistakes to the point that I become depressed? I am sorry to say, for me, the answer is yes to all the above. 

Reason #2 – To Relinquish the Temporal for the Eternal

As Christians, this world is not our home. Our true home is with God in heaven. Suffering often releases us from grasping onto things of this world, and teaches us to grasp onto the eternal.

Reason #3 -To Produce a Hypocrisy-Free Church

When we suffer, we get to choose whether to cling to God or to forsake him. When suffering falls on the church as a whole, those that are “fair weather friends” of Jesus fall away.

Reason #4 – To Bear Witness to the World

When a believer suffers well because of their faith, this is a witness to those who don’t know Jesus. People may ask, “How can you have such hope and peace at a time like this?” This can then lead them to a faith of their own.

After I read this blog, I found another written by Billy Graham: Suffering, Why Does God Allow It? This blog also gives some good reasons. But the one that meant the most to me was:

Reason #5 – To Move Me to Compassion for Others, and Others to Compassion for Me

When we suffer, we can learn to have compassion for others who are suffering. Also, while we suffer, we can receive compassion from others who have suffered in the past. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

After this, I began summarizing all I learned that day at the retreat center. I realized that in these 5 reasons, there are 3 groups who benefit from suffering:

1. Me – I benefit by learning to release my hold on the things of this earth, and can turn my heart toward heaven. I also benefit by letting go of the things that I love more than God. Does this mean I should not love my home, my family, my job? Of course not. But, when I love them more than I love God, I put myself in a bad position. All these things I love are temporary. I could lose them at any moment. If I can learn to hold them loosely in my hands, and teach myself to turn to God for my comfort and peace, I am way ahead.

2. God – If I learn to suffer well, this will demonstrate God’s peace and hope to the world, pointing people to him.

3. Others – When I suffer, I can learn to have compassion for others that are suffering.

I then listed all the negative things that have happened to me during my life, including being abused by my first husband. Out of the 11 items I listed, I realized that I had benefitted from 8 of them! Here is one example. After my abuse, God led me to write two books and this blog to help others. Yes, these things have helped others, but mostly, they have helped me. Through this work, I have gained a sense of purpose, and have experienced lots of personal healing.

I hope this blog has encouraged you to set aside some time for your own retreat. Maybe you cannot afford to go to a retreat center, or maybe you don’t have one nearby. Maybe sitting in complete silence does not seem restful to you. In this case, try to be creative. Do you love hanging out in a coffee shop? Can you afford a cup of coffee? Is there a park near your home you could visit? Do you love hanging out in the library? The point isn’t that you need to do this exactly as I do.

The point is that taking time to rest is good self-care. AND YOU ARE WORTH IT!! Tweet This

Question: How could you take time away for rest and reflection?

I pray you find some time, and put taking care of yourself at the top of your list.

Caroline