One thing I’ve learned as a domestic violence advocate – every survivor’s story matters.
Every time a victim survives the hell s/he’s lived through, it is another point in the “win” column.
One more person who was not destroyed by her* abuser’s put downs, cruelty, manipulation, control and EVIL. One more person who is stronger, wiser, and better able to stand up for herself, her beliefs, and her kids.
My friend at ForgetMeNot is creating a Survivor Wall. I am honored to be part of this wall. I don’t often share my story of abuse, mainly because I have moved past it, and I am now focusing on helping others. But, those abusive years did happen to me. They are part of me. So today, I invite you to read my story on ForgetMeNot’s Survivor Wall. Click here.
I invite you to:
- Share your story in the comments of this blog, and
- Contact Amy at Forget Me Not, and add your story to her wall.
I pray you will receive comfort and hope from God as you move forward into your new lives.
Romans 15:13:
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Philippians 1:6
[I am] confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
May God bless you today dear friends!
Caroline
* Abusers and survivors can be male or female.
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kashanamckinney.blogspot.com for my story of abuse and hope!
Thank you so much for sharing your story Kashana!! I’m sorry you had to suffer so much, but so happy to see all the healing you have done. Blessings my friend!
In 2002 my friend and I were at the mall and my friend whom was already sexually active seen a guy she was interested in and he had a friend with him they came and talked to us we were 13 bit old them we were 14 because both of our birthdays were in a few days. They told us they were college football players and they were 21 and 23 they hung out with us a bit in our movie and my friend started he getting friendly with one and the other guy was trying with me and I wasn’t interested, my friend decided to go to the guys car to you know.. I was afraid for her to go alone to I went they drove us to a subcluded area as my friend di hr thing the guy was trying to force me to do things I jumped out of the car. The guy with my friend jumped out to ask if I was okay and I told him what his friend did he apologized and said he would protect me my friend screamed and the guy was forcing his self on her. His friend yanked him off and took us back. My friend got the “nice” guys number. The next day she called him before we went swimming he invited us over again I didn’t think I should but wanting to protect my friend with her pressure saying he’s the nice one I went. We got there and he lived at home when on leave from college and said we both had to go in his room due to his family seeing us I did. Him and my friend started to have intercourses and I watched TV, then my friend screamed I jumped up and looked at her, She had been thrown on the bed and the man was approaching me as I tried to get out he blocked the door and locked it I pleaded with him that I was a virgin and I didn’t want to as I looked around there was no escape he picked me up and raped me and he was not ” nice” anymore. At age 15 I ran away from home using myself and my life another girl ran with me a friend of mine got me in touch with a friend for us to stay. He said to stay and eat Wed have to sleep with him I didn’t agree so he tried to get me I ran an grabbed a knife and hid in the bathroom as the other girl started to call for help the only thing I could think of was he is in his parents nice house if I get blood everywhere he will get caught so I sliced my wrist 2 times and told the rapest if he didn’t stop hurting her I would get it everywhere he stopped that time he got a hold of her later though. We left and walked on the streets. We saw a guy from our highschool who said he’d help but again he didn’t him and his friend raped the both of us repeatedly, we got away and went to a gas station were we met another person he took us to his house and fed us we were shocked of his kindness until he put on porn and said one us has to pay for the food both of us a little whoozy realized he put something in our drinks needless to say I took it so my friend wouldn’t have too. A knock on the door we thought would be a way out nope it was the other 2 guys from our highschool. They found us or so we thought the man handed the highscooler money we didn’t know why until later. He the high schooler was pimping us out and we didn’t know it until after being raped by 6 men 5 highschoolers the gas station we hung out at the clerk locked us in and told one us to go to the back we said no he said I already paid for you to do whatever I want to you we freaked out and told him no he didn’t know we didn’t know we were being sold, he still insistednuntil the janitor told him no that we were little girls he said okay and pretended to help us get away from the pimp. He let us stay inside because the pimp had sent to men who already raped us to get us to obey we hid inside until it closed the pimps goons waited outside to grab us so we jumped in the gas station clerks car took us to a motel with nothing asking of us until we were already trapped in the hotel. The girl with me pretended to sleep while I was raped by both men. Next morning got kicked out from motel by the motel and we walked downtown Houston streets til we found a ride back. I wanted to go home so bad I missed my twin sister and needed her but I was to afraid. Eventually we were caught by cops and taken home. No men were ever arrested for raping me I even showed each home and nothing. In 2008 with my second child I met a man, sweet talked me his mom had cancer all the lines they use. Within a week he was abusive threw away my furniture and moved himself in after months of abuse I found out he was a sex offender. I tried to leave so many times but him and his mother planted meth in my home and threatened to call child services if I left again, I would sectrectly tell my mom and she called the police everyday and finally called child services. Police showed up and gave me a choice him ormmy kids I said my babies of course. I can’t go into detail further on the abuse at this time but I thank the Lord for getting me out. I am finally happily married to a Godly man who’s a minister and I work as a legal advocate for a dv and SA shelter
Dear Sarah,
I am so sorry for all the abuse you have suffered! I praise God your story has a happy ending! Thanks so much for sharing it! Blessings to you, Caroline
I feel my acceptance of abuse started with a sporadic Father who was always critical, cynical, unreliable, self-centered and mean spirited. I wanted so bafly for him to want me that I developed that pattern with any person. Family,friends,men so I would be accepted. I would put up with anything at my own emotional expense so I wouldn’t be known as the sensitive one or the one who always played the victim. Every relationship with a man since high school was either verbally, emotionally or physically abusive. I am 40 and just left another abusive relationship. Now I am trying to work on that little girl who wanted to be loved by the man who should have been her everything. The psychological and physical toll that all of this has had on me is surreal. I have 3 children who keep me alive. I feel guilty for them and what they have seen and guilty for allowing all of the people who have mistreated me to do if for so long. Angry for those who blame me for how I feel about their behavior once I get tired and react to it. I hope to work with young girls to stop the tendency towards toxic relationships, meaning any kind of relationship. I feel like a survivor and not a victim although uneducated or mean spirited people may say other. Never believe you are a complainer or whiner for standing up for yourself and demanding respect that any human being should receive. I have had to cut ties with a majority of people in my life because their intent was harm not good and I realized they were toxic but I always smiled and laughed at myself when they were laughing at my pain. Roman 12:12 be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.
Thank you for sharing Stacee! Your story of being mistreated as a child is very sad, but you are in good company with many other abused women. Congratulations to you for how far you have come! Cutting out mean people in your life can be hard and painful, but so necessary for healing.
Thank you, it is a day by day process
Hello,
I am 36 years old, and have been abused most of my life.
Childhood physical beating from mom, neglect/abandonment and humiliation from dad, 5 years of sexual abuse from a neighbor. I have been married for 10 years to an abusive man, emotionally, verbally, psychologically and physically, and I’m pretty set to separate from him for a second time, this time with requirements for anger management and counseling and maybe a required visit to a psychiatrist. But I’m afraid that he’s going to push back, do his amazing “it’s her fault, she’s the one with problems” magic trick, divorce me and take my babies, and the paralysis I felt at his laflst advance doesn’t do justice to the ache in my heart. This whole thing is supposed to be for God’s glory and I have a hard time seeing how my life can do that right now. I posted on another marriage board about our relationship, thinking that there was something they could point me to, and heard a 100% resounding response of “GET OUT! YOU ARE NOT SAFE”. And I have a hard time accepting that this is probably it. Do you know any situations where an abuser has been redeemed?
Hello,
I am so sorry for all you’ve experienced. I can see why you are wondering how any if this can be for the glory of God. I have two recommendations for you. The first is to try my book A Journey Through Emotional Abuse: from Bondage to freedom. In it I walk you through all the questions you are asking. If you are concerned about having the actual book around him, it is available on kindle. The second is to friend me on Facebook. Then we can talk by messaging, and I can help you through this. You can do both things on this site.
As to your question, I have never personally heard of an abuser who has been redeemed. I know the possibility exists, but it is very rare. Usually, boundaries need to be set, and the abuser must feel the consequences of his actions, by you, the courts, and possibly the church. Then, he must WANT to change. That is huge. If he doesn’t, he won’t. I have written a blog about the repentant abuser. You can search for it on my site. I hope you will friend me, and we can talk more. God bless you. Caroline