Children who grow up in homes where they experience domestic violence learn lies about themselves. Because they believe these lies, they often get into domestic violence relationships as adults – as the perpetrator or the victim.

Here are some examples of some of these lies (taken from CDV.org):

1. GUILTY – The violence was my fault. I should have stopped it.

2. HOPELESS – Nothing good can happen to someone like me.

3. UNATTRACTIVE – I feel self-conscious and unattractive.

4. SAD – I feel more bad than good each day.

The truths that free the former victim are:

1. FREE – I now realize I couldn’t be responsible for the actions of adults.

2. GUIDED – The injustice I experienced as a child created a spiritual strength inside of me.

3. ATTRACTIVE – As I discover the truth about myself, I feel more attractive (and in fact I AM attractive) to others.

4. GRATEFUL – If I choose to focus on them, I realize I have many things to be grateful for.

CDV.org will be publishing a book in the fall of 2014 called Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up With Domestic Violence and the Truths That Set You Free. The book will highlight examples of lives torn apart by childhood domestic violence, and the success stories of the adults who have learned eternal truths about themselves. My story will be included.

As a child of domestic violence myself, I will give an example of how this played out in my life.

Due to the (mainly emotional and verbal) domestic violence I experienced as a child, I learned that I was worthless, unlovable, and alone. Moving into adulthood with these beliefs about myself, I married a man who (subtly at first) reinforced my beliefs about myself. As the years progressed, and his abuse of me escalated, he began telling me these things outright. He was trying to break my spirit. It might have worked, but something had changed over the years. I had started going to a great church, studying the bible, and believed in the sacrifice Jesus made in my place by dying for my sins, and the sins of the world, (including those of the people who had hurt me).

Because of this, I realized that the God who created the universe had chosen to die a horrible death for me! I wasn’t worthless, unlovable, or alone. On the contrary, I had great worth in God’s eyes, I was loved, and Jesus was walking by my side every day. I was surrounded by people (from church) who loved me, valued me, and let me know they believed in me. So, though my husband was more and more emotionally abusive towards me, I began to see my worth, believing the truth, rather than his lies. I eventually left him, and sought out more healing for myself with the help of Jesus through:

• education, (books and classes on domestic violence)
• friends,
• support groups, and
• counselors.

Childhood domestic violence can have a huge negative effect on its victims. But it is not impossible to overcome. Luke 1:37 says:

     Nothing is impossible with God.

I invite you to check out blogs I have written about healing.

May the Lord bless you today.

Caroline